I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
