That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
