I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
