24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize