You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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