I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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