Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
