bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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