I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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