I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
