What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
