I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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