Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
