He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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