No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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