I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize