I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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