you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
