the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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