Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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