Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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