Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I believe in your delicious
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
