Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
