I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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