I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
