you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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