If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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