Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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