end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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