I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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