i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
