i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
