we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
