you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
