3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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