I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
