atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
