Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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