i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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