Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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