Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
