I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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