it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
