so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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