im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize