all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
