4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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