It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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