Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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