I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize