She's JV to your varsity
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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