your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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