Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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