Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
