Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
