she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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