The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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