Cold hands, warm shart.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
