Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize