can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
