I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You pole danced in your parka.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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