HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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