I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
