He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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