On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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