we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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