Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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