Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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