barbara walters just said penis...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
