and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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