Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
