Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Bring me that man meat
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
