i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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