I'm really into asian looking animals
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
