My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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