What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
