just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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