You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
