im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
